Comments on: Attraction http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/ William Berry, MS, CAP Sat, 28 Jan 2012 02:54:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Power Differential in Relationships - Articles - William Berry, MS, CAP http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-3234 Power Differential in Relationships - Articles - William Berry, MS, CAP Thu, 16 Sep 2010 15:58:16 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-3234 [...] to measures up against that ideal. (For a little more thorough explanation of attraction please see my article on attraction). Let us just look at one of these aspects and its role in the development of a power differential [...] [...] to measures up against that ideal. (For a little more thorough explanation of attraction please see my article on attraction). Let us just look at one of these aspects and its role in the development of a power differential [...]

]]> By: William Berry http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-3068 William Berry Thu, 24 Jun 2010 12:30:32 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-3068 You make excellent points Isis, and I hope you remain a romantic, they make the world a more pleasant place. You make excellent points Isis, and I hope you remain a romantic, they make the world a more pleasant place.

]]> By: Isis http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-3067 Isis Thu, 24 Jun 2010 03:52:23 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-3067 Though I realize that this comment comes much later than the article was posted, I couldn't help but keep reading once I saw the topic. I myself am a hopeless romantic, and believe in true love and soul mates. I am, however, completely aware that we as humans tend to find ourselves attracted to the same kind of people over and over again. That being said, I feel the need to add that love and attraction can and do find us when we least expect it. My very close friend recently met a young man she was not physically attracted to, and under normal circumstances would not have given the time of day. He is the exact opposite of every guy she has ever been with, and yet he seems to be a perfect match. He knows nothing about the usual guy stuff, which was a turn off for her, but for him it works. I believe that this is due to the fact that she wasn't expecting anything to come of this relationship, and allowed the friendship and connection time to grow. Attraction isn't necessarily based on looks, though most of us would agree that it is the first thing we go for, it is based on chemistry (both physical and emotional). Though I realize that this comment comes much later than the article was posted, I couldn’t help but keep reading once I saw the topic. I myself am a hopeless romantic, and believe in true love and soul mates. I am, however, completely aware that we as humans tend to find ourselves attracted to the same kind of people over and over again. That being said, I feel the need to add that love and attraction can and do find us when we least expect it. My very close friend recently met a young man she was not physically attracted to, and under normal circumstances would not have given the time of day. He is the exact opposite of every guy she has ever been with, and yet he seems to be a perfect match. He knows nothing about the usual guy stuff, which was a turn off for her, but for him it works. I believe that this is due to the fact that she wasn’t expecting anything to come of this relationship, and allowed the friendship and connection time to grow. Attraction isn’t necessarily based on looks, though most of us would agree that it is the first thing we go for, it is based on chemistry (both physical and emotional).

]]> By: William Berry http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2732 William Berry Fri, 25 Dec 2009 22:50:59 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2732 I don't know that it is trained, but I suppose if we started dating those we aren't attracted to, and had positive experiences, we would learn to be with those that are better for us. In the book I mentioned it discusses how those that are good for the individual usually aren't the ones you are attracted to. So it would begin by dating those you are not attracted to. I don’t know that it is trained, but I suppose if we started dating those we aren’t attracted to, and had positive experiences, we would learn to be with those that are better for us. In the book I mentioned it discusses how those that are good for the individual usually aren’t the ones you are attracted to. So it would begin by dating those you are not attracted to.

]]> By: Sarah http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2731 Sarah Fri, 25 Dec 2009 14:54:07 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2731 I don't believe corrective experience in any way lessens the attraction. The choice Oscar mentions comes from the knowledge of attractions that may not be good for us, and why, then not acting on one's attraction. The attraction is still there and still as strong. My question is how do we train ourselves to be attracted to those that are good for us? I don’t believe corrective experience in any way lessens the attraction. The choice Oscar mentions comes from the knowledge of attractions that may not be good for us, and why, then not acting on one’s attraction. The attraction is still there and still as strong.

My question is how do we train ourselves to be attracted to those that are good for us?

]]> By: Oscar http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2728 Oscar Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:42:55 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2728 Yeah but then it becomes more of a logical attraction rather an emotional one I think, unless it's a deep change. Funny I just finished watching the ugly truth- I can relate with the guy. Yeah but then it becomes more of a logical attraction rather an emotional one I think, unless it’s a deep change. Funny I just finished watching the ugly truth- I can relate with the guy.

]]> By: William Berry http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2727 William Berry Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:25:46 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2727 That's funny, but I don't believe it to be true. Just being aware can take a lot of the power out of unhealthy attraction. Plus, with your pension for reading for knowledge and your insightful nature, I wouldn't dare think to say you are screwed. That’s funny, but I don’t believe it to be true. Just being aware can take a lot of the power out of unhealthy attraction. Plus, with your pension for reading for knowledge and your insightful nature, I wouldn’t dare think to say you are screwed.

]]> By: Oscar http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2726 Oscar Thu, 24 Dec 2009 15:52:35 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2726 Looks like I'm screwed. Looks like I’m screwed.

]]> By: William Berry http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2725 William Berry Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:41:48 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2725 Good questions Oscar. According to "A General Theory of Love" a corrective experience has to occur to take the power out of the attraction to those that are unhealthy for us. This can usually occur in therapy, especially with an opposite sex therapist. But,I wouldn't expect this to completely eradicate the attraction, but to remove some of the power, although I suppose it being completely removed would be possible. I guess what I am trying to say is that the most likely scenario is that through awareness and a corrective experience the attraction to others that stems from early childhood experiences can be minimized and then controlled. As always, thank you for your comment. Good questions Oscar. According to “A General Theory of Love” a corrective experience has to occur to take the power out of the attraction to those that are unhealthy for us. This can usually occur in therapy, especially with an opposite sex therapist.
But,I wouldn’t expect this to completely eradicate the attraction, but to remove some of the power, although I suppose it being completely removed would be possible.
I guess what I am trying to say is that the most likely scenario is that through awareness and a corrective experience the attraction to others that stems from early childhood experiences can be minimized and then controlled.
As always, thank you for your comment.

]]> By: Oscar http://www.wmberry.com/articles/attraction/comment-page-1/#comment-2724 Oscar Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:16:30 +0000 http://wmberry.com/?p=564#comment-2724 Agree. David Deangelo (a pretty popular dating coach) has done tons of research about dating and attraction and so on. To summarize his ideas, and in his own words "attraction isn't a choice". You had mentioned in class some time ago that we should analyze our attraction to certain people and figure out why we like them, so I did! Looking back at some of the women I had been with, I really could not believe what I was thinking! But then that thought also becomes a little scary when you realize that there is a pattern as far as who we were attracted to in the past. This pattern will obviously still be there in future, so what I am wondering is this. Can you change who and what attracts you to a person? And I mean an actual change, at the emotional level and not just a logical change based on an explanation you gave yourself. There is a difference between what we think we are attracted to and what we are actually attracted to, and with that said, is attraction really not a choice? Agree. David Deangelo (a pretty popular dating coach) has done tons of research about dating and attraction and so on. To summarize his ideas, and in his own words “attraction isn’t a choice”. You had mentioned in class some time ago that we should analyze our attraction to certain people and figure out why we like them, so I did! Looking back at some of the women I had been with, I really could not believe what I was thinking! But then that thought also becomes a little scary when you realize that there is a pattern as far as who we were attracted to in the past. This pattern will obviously still be there in future, so what I am wondering is this. Can you change who and what attracts you to a person? And I mean an actual change, at the emotional level and not just a logical change based on an explanation you gave yourself. There is a difference between what we think we are attracted to and what we are actually attracted to, and with that said, is attraction really not a choice?

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