Following the suggestion Beth made today, and looking at my own irrationality in my post and meditation yesterday, I upped my ante today and made the difficult person(s) some folks I shied away from yesterday. There were some people I felt I no longer held ill-feelings against, yet had no desire to think about. So today I wished them all the things I wish for myself, even more so. It didn’t raise any ill feelings, and I felt good about the exercise. I might up the ante even further tomorrow, although I remain unsure about that. As an aside, I loved the video at the end of today’s meditation. It is beautiful both in loving-kindness and cognitively reframing hate.

I only managed to remember to wish strangers happiness and peace a couple of times early in the day. I spent a large part of the day in my office with clients, so that serves as an excuse I guess. But it did slip my mind on my way home tonight, so I own that. I really like that practice, and hope to make it a regular part of my life.

Day 16

First, I really enjoyed wishing strangers (silently of course) happiness and ease of living yesterday. I found it to be quite uplifting. I plan to continue it, and did again today. Today’s focus was on the “enemy” (or difficult person). I initially had trouble picking someone for this category. The person I used two years ago was an old co-worker who reappeared, and for whom I held some resentment (for perceived hurt). The Metta meditation back then helped me overcome that. This made me aware of its power, and although it seems logical you would want this with any individual, sometimes you prefer to hang onto the anger a bit. So, I eliminated anyone I wasn’t ready to forgive, and also anyone whose image I just didn’t want to sustain in my mind, whether ill feelings exist or not. (perhaps I give some power to the energy of holding an individual in mind, which I fear will bring them back into my life, which, obviously, I don’t want despite not having negative feeling). With all that confusing thought process out of the way, I chose a person I find annoying. This individual is a client of a different clinician but whose perceived (by me) obnoxious behavior while waiting (and rescheduling) annoys me. I didn’t have much trouble wishing him well, and I certainly realize that his annoyance of me is more my perception (including that he likely reminds me of someone else from my history) than his actual being. It went well, and hopefully, with practice, when I encounter him in the future I will find him less bothersome.

Day 15

After meditating again this morning, I realized my reproach yesterday was attached to my terminology. I had become accustomed to saying to my benefactor and beloved, “As I wish to be happy, more so may you be happy.” Saying “more so” to strangers really didn’t work for me. I changed the terminology and it was fine.

I hope to silently wish strangers happiness and freedom from suffering today, as Beth suggested. I find it a beautiful idea.

Day 14

I can’t believe it has been this long since I added. Most days the meditation went as usual, some mind wandering, but a focus on loving kindness. Mother’s day I did focus on the earth, while on the beach, but I actually dosed off!

Today’s focus on a neutral person was interesting. I chose these two guys who came to the beach as I was getting ready to leave Sunday. They initially seemed a bit imposing, shaved heads and tattoos. I figured they’d be good for the practice as preconceived ideas can be banished with loving kindness. As I was meditating and wishing them good things, I felt a twinge of reproach. The idea arose, “what am I wishing these guys good things for, what about me” as if there is a limited amount of ease of living in the world and I was sacrificing mine for strangers. This was in direct contrast to meditating / wishing good to someone I love, where I actually found it easier than for myself.

Day 11

Today was the first day I didn’t meditate in the morning (as I usually do).(Although I have meditated in the early afternoon at the beach a couple of times…). My daughter is visiting and that threw off my routine…So I meditated before going to sleep. I had trouble deciding on a “Beloved”. I didn’t want to use one of my children, because that would result in leaving the others out. But I couldn’t use anyone else. I eventually decided on my youngest, who I see the most often, and who my behavior probably most affects. My mind wondered a lot, but I came back to the mantra (As I create happiness more-so may you have happiness in your life…). Despite not meditating in the am, and having a competitive day playing sports, I felt it was a rather compassionate and kind day, (But boys will be boys playing, and I did bust ‘em for those around me…)

Day 10

Overall it was a fair meditation day. I tried using the earth as the benefactor, but it didn’t feel right for me so I went back to my kids as the benefactors. I again repeated the saying to each one. I altered the saying though, because I felt “wishing” to be happy, peaceful, etc wasn’t in line with my buddhist beliefs about desire being the root of suffering. I changed it to “as I work to be happy (or free from suffering)” or as I develop ease of living (or peace). To me this wording feels better, more in line with my beliefs, and creates more of an internal locus of control.  Of course, thinking about this while meditating witnesses to my mind wandering and not being focused….

Day 9

Today’s meditation was better. I used all of my children, in succession, as the benefactor. I said the mantra to each one, twice. My children get me in touch with loving-kindness easier than anything else I could imagine. My mind wandered a bit, usually on what to write here (although because I meditate in the morning, I have pretty much forgotten whatever great idea I came up with then). My vulnerability rises in this meditation, and I feel more open and empathetic afterward. The only negative I continue to struggle with is defining love for those other than my children.

Day 8

First, I let the morning get away from me and almost blew off the meditation. I struggled with choosing a benefactor. I wanted to use a mentor, like Beth had suggested. But none really bring a smile to my face with just a thought. The only people who really do that are my kids, and I didn’t want to use them. But I eventually acquiesed in the interest of time, and used my 7 y/o, because he is the most innocent.

I had great difficulty generating any loving kindness for myself today as I was in a self-loathing state of mind, and, again in the interest of time, moved quickly to the benefactor. This immediately got me in touch with a wealth of loving kindness. I altered the saying, and repeated “As I want to be happy, I more-so want happiness for you.” I followed this pattern for the four saying I use, and was filled with compassion and empathy. I was in touch with it, and feeling vulnerable, much of the day.

Day 7

I could not focus at all on loving kindness in my meditation today. Nor did I focus on it very often during the day. I found my attempt at meditation today to be a waste of time, although intellectually I know that isn’t the case. Attempting, and accepting the outcome, is better than not attempting. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Day 6

It seemed Beth wrote today’s guided meditation with my struggles in mind (of course not, but it related to what I’ve been writing). (If you haven’t been following her daily guidance for Metta, you will likely find it of benefit and can read it here. You could also subscribe so I don’t have to keep reminding you…) Anyhow, my focus has been on feeling loving kindness, and focusing on the chant. Admittedly I haven’t been as upbeat about it all as the first few days. In her suggestions for journaling Beth asks if any negative feelings have arisen. Although I would identify negative feelings related to feeling loving-kindness, I have felt pangs of cynicism in regard to the word love. In fact, I’m trying to avoid it, and use loving-kindness as one word. Other than that there isn’t any negative. I still struggle with a wandering mind (as I always have) and usually wander to writing either this blog, or an article or something. But I keep coming back, and trying to get centered on a feeling in my chest area. I hope that many who began this exercise are still going with it, I really believe it can be of great benefit. Peace.

Day 5

The practice is the same. Today I didn’t bother with the circle of loving beings. I know this can be an important part of the practice, and please don’t let me discourage you from it. I focused today on feeling love for myself by using the suggested sayings, as well as my continued practice of detachment. I was aware of loving kindness throughout the day, although a kid at the game my son and I went to wore on my nerves, and I wasn’t much in touch with it then…

Day 3&4

Despite this being my slowest time of year (Summer A) and not being as structured as usual, I’ve read each days meditation thus far and meditated daily. As with day 2, its been tough. I’m having trouble fighting negative thoughts about love and determining who I believe really loves me. In the two years since the last time we did this much has changed in my personal life, including with friends. After giving up on the circle (or semi circle in my case) I fill it with anonymous beings, tapping into some belief system that still lingers in the recesses of my mind and allows for loving beings beyond the scope of my current reality. Once I’ve settled into this, or abandoned it and only focused on love as a general theory radiating somewhere in my chest, I get a positive feeling. Then, out of some desire to share this, I think about what to write, how to spread the word, how to get others to buy into the benefit of meditation, and especially of metta meditation. Then, as I said in day one, its catching my mind wandering, and back to the breath, back to my heart.

I have also continued spending a couple of minutes in the meditation focused on detachment from thoughts, from what I assume is reality, and how everyone’s reality is different and that is okay. Basically this boils down to all being an illusion, which is also a tenet of Buddhism. For now both of these views, both of these perspectives, as working for me. I feel detached, unencumbered by life. At the same time I have been focused more on peace and loving kindness.

Day 2

I had a tougher time with the meditation today. Bringing my “circle of loving beings” into the picture was difficult. I struggled, and compared this years meditation to the one two years ago. This left me somewhat downhearted. Another contributor was that I hadn’t slept well, and was probably a little irritable. But it was most certainly my struggle with my differences in perception about being loved that caused the most difficulty.

Regardless of the struggles and my poor mood, I did find myself being in touch with loving-kindness throughout the day. The act of sitting with it, even when the experience is less that optimal, keeps the idea fresh in my mind and in the forefront of many of my interactions. This in and of itself is worth it.

Day 1

First, you can join the movement by clicking here and tuning in daily to “The Heart of Awakening” blog.
Second, I decided to journal some of my experiences with my second experience with this formal meditation.
Generally I spend about 10 minutes in sitting meditation (although I try to be mindful much more than that in the course of a day). I meditate more days than not (although not daily). Lately I have been focused in meditation on realizing everyone has a story, and none of it is truth (my next post for Psychology Today will address this more thoroughly, look for it this weekend). I want to keep this as part of my focus, but today the primary focus was the Metta meditation.
I need to say I suck at meditation. I’m an energetic person, and my mind races (others might call this Adult ADHD). During the course of any 10 minute meditation I will catch my mind wandering at least 5 times (this may be a gross underestimate).
I began May is for Metta excited about again doing a formal meditation on loving kindness, that I know others are also focused on. As Beth suggested I tried to focus on a time when I felt completely loved. I had a tougher time this year. My beliefs about love have changed, I’m in a more cynical place, and recreating a time when I felt completely loved was more of a struggle than I anticipated. I finally settled on simply focusing on the heart, like Beth had suggested, and focusing on this being the center and of it being filled, and filling, with love.
My mind wandered to sessions I had scheduled today. Back to the heart. My mind wandered to how my beliefs have become more cynical, back to the heart. My mind wandered to how I could spread the word of this wonderful practice, back to the heart, but then a debate about what was more focused on loving-kindness: spreading the word or meditating on it. These are tricks the ego plays, or the mind plays, to secure its place as the dominant part of our life.
My day seemed more serene. I actually felt more loving throughout the day (that is until I watched the Flyers play nearly the entire game in their defensive zone).
Anyhow, my point is that even though my mind wandered, it was a successful meditation. I’ll check in periodically with my experience.

I just finished The Art Of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. Throughout last semester I mentioned this book many times, and highly recommend it to everyone, regardless of their beliefs. The Dalai Lama does an excellent job of keeping any religious dogma out of the book. He addresses Buddhists, other faiths, and non-believers alike. He simply puts forth a clear argument for a philosophy of loving kindness. His co-author, Dr. Cutler is a psychiatrist who discusses the Dalai Lama’s points.

The book is a series of talks by the Dalai Lama, interspersed with questions from Dr. Cutler in his interviews with HHDL. Dr. Cutler then discusses some of his HHDL points from a psychological perspective. He uses studies to support points the Dalai Lama makes. The chapters discuss how one can make even small changes that ultimately will help humanity, and in HHDL’s opinion, make individuals happier.

I consistently used references from this book last semester when teaching “Personal Adjustment”, a class about facilitating personal growth. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and agreed with much of its philosophy. Although I do embrace some Buddhist belief, I am not a Buddhist. I do believe this book is relevant to anyone who wants to be a better person. I also believe anyone who wants to be happier and will put their faith in a set of beliefs that runs counter to popular American culture will benefit.

I watched this movie on the recommendation of a friend. Although the movie poster depicts what appears to be a love story, and although a love affair is a central part of the story, the movie is much more than that. The movie focuses on an epidemiologist as she struggles to understand a disease that, after an emotional outburst, robs people of a sense (beginning with smell). The movie follows her budding relationship with a chef (which allows the movie to follow what happens to ordinary people as they struggle with the loss of senses).

The loss of a sense first sends people into a panic, and leads to questions of malice, including whether another country is acting biological warfare. This leads to suspicion and outbreaks of violence. But as with anything, living returns to normal (or the new normal) shortly after the panic and fear. This is a very existential concept, probably best stated by Nietzsche: “He who has a why can bear almost any how.” Humans adapt; they adjust to the new “normal” and before long this is the new bar against which one measures their life.

In fact, an existential tone begins at the very beginning of the movie, with the first emotional outbreak. A wife describes her husband as being despondent, and reporting he can find no meaning in his life, something she reports is very contrary to his normal persona.

Another existential, or Buddhist / Eastern lesson in the movie is that of being grateful for what you have. We often take our senses for granted, and as the threat of losing one (or another) looms, our protagonists enjoy the senses they have. The chef also makes full use of the remaining senses in preparing his dishes for his upper class clientele.

There is a flaw in the writing, and I found it rather annoying, but to discuss it would give things away I’d rather not.

One of the things I like about movies is when they make you think. I found myself wondering what sense I would give up first, what I would do in similar circumstances. Overall, and without giving anything away, I found the movie to raise questions and make points about our existence, and that, to me, makes for a worthwhile viewing.

Metta meditation is a foundational practice in some Buddhist traditions. The word Metta is referenced in several different Suttas or discourses; it is often associated with the Pali Canon of Theravada Buddhism. Metta is considered one of the Four Immeasurables or Brahma Viharas which include: Loving-kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity. It is said to help facilitate awakening, open-heartedness and the spirit of generosity as well as support the development of meditative concentration.

Read the rest of Beth’s introduction to Metta Meditation here.

Join the Facebook Metta Meditation group here.

Or Follow Beth’s guided Metta Meditation here.

When I ordered “The Meaning of Addiction” I was psyched. As an existentialist and someone who has worked in addiction for 20 years, I couldn’t wait to read this book. I first became familiar with Stanton Peele on Psychology Today, where we both write. I saw his picture and a blurb about his most recent post at the top of the page. After reading his article, I checked out his books and ordered this one. While waiting for it I grabbed a book I had read over a decade ago called “Addiction and Responsibility.” Low and behold the section I began reading was referencing Stanton Peele.

The day my books arrived (I had purchased a few, as I frequently do) and the psychiatrist in my office happened to walk in. He was leaving on a cross country trip and wondered if he could borrow the book. Since I had others I let him. When he returned he discussed how scholarly the book was. I began the book whilst I read several others, and read it slowly over the course of a couple of months. The book is rich with studies, and Peele does an outstanding job of supporting his argument that addiction is primarily social, and that we are going about treating it incorrectly.

Peele’s argument is substantive. He uses studies to support his position, and lays his argument out in an organized fashion. He discusses the differences in the presentation of substance problems, and argues that behaviors are as worthy of the designation addiction is any substance.

I highly recommend this book, and believe it a necessity for anyone serious about treating addiction. If you are a person who believes the 12 Step program is the only true treatment for addictive disorders, just put your preconceived ideas on the shelf while you read.

This is a blog by a friend who writes about spiritual and eastern philosophy. Read it here.

I also found this viral video amusing, and philosophical. It is called Henri 2: Paw de Deux. You can watch it here.

Photo by Alexi Berry

Read my post about the psychological benefits and drawbacks of Facebook here.