August 23

Review- The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

Posted by William Berry | Filed under Reviews | No Comments


It took me a while to read this book. I picked it up because of someone’s recommendation, and being a therapist I thought I might find it helpful. I read about 70 pages or so (of 301) and put it aside for a good while whilst I wrestled with other books. Suddenly I got an influx of clients who were dealing with infidelity, and I quickly went through the remainder.

I had heard of Ester Perel from her TED Talk on “Mating in Captivity” (also a book of hers). I enjoyed the first portion of the book, and felt it did a good job relating what both the betrayed and betrayer (for lack of better words) are experiencing once an affair is discovered. At that point I actually began recommending it as I found that part so insightful.

Though I put it aside for a bit I had every intention of coming back to it and finishing. Once I dove back into it (partly because a couple I had recommended it to were reading beyond what I had read) I went through it quickly. It is an easy read, and she uses many of her couples to illuminate the issues one might encounter while dealing with infidelity. I especially loved her exploration of why people cheat, and her challenging of the notion that cheating is always a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship. I loved her compassion and toughness in confronting the issues underlying an affair. I also loved her exploration of possible outcomes.

I highly recommend the book, especially to therapists who work with couples (or plan to). More, I recommend the book to those that have either betrayed or been betrayed in a relationship. I think it is a well written work on nearly every aspect I can think of involved in an affair.

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This entry was posted on Friday, August 23rd, 2019 at 9:13 AM and is filed under Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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